Call it enlightenment or the end of denial,
It doesn’t matter to me;
But I find the mouse on a wheel running in my mind named Overt Analysis,
Is the primary cause of my depression as of late.
it’s defined as consisting of many things & very few simultaneously,
It just depends who you ask about it.
In a society where most are more comfortable with truth being based on relativity,
As opposed to any sort of evidence or facts;
What do you expect?
Then again, I’m the one who thought my life would change “magically”
during my adolescence if I changed my name;
Because I had & still have a hard time identifying with or feeling as though I belong in my family of origin.
Biting my own white knuckles,
Suddenly the chokehold is looser;
Breathing is painful,
But only because I often forget to not hold my air in.
Nature thankfully has unsettling ways of reminding you about the importance of order.
I’ve heard people say they’re ready to die,
But I often wonder if it’s only because their afraid to live?
If they think being alive is just too burdensome;
If the grey in their eyes has become too strong a haze for their intrinsic light to break.
Oddly though, we often forget that we have some control & often more than we like to admit over our thoughts.
When you get caught in a dangerous water current,
It’s hard to make it back to shore;
But the irony of a lot of people who don’t make it,
Is that they were often warned before.
I used to chase after people who I thought ran away,
But it turned out;
At least with some,
They just didn’t ever learn how perceive when to go or when to stay.
When to shut up & walk away,
When to speak out.
Is anyone out there?
I used to scream that I didn’t care,
Mainly because it was unfair to admit
that I cared for many I later learned just didn’t want me to.
I don’t limit my caring any less,
For better or worse these days;
I’m just not so quick to voice it,
Or make it known.
After all, voicing cares & concerns to a faithless & careless audience;
Is equivalent in usefulness to yelling for help at a center for the deaf.