Compromised Focus

Screaming in basements to avoid being heard,

Typing out thoughts so patience doesn’t have to be tested,

It’s all become so routine;

Figuring out how to make the loudest noise yet remain concealed

In an absent-minded and loud world.

Exhausted at the resonance of criticism,

Flattened by the glare of chosen ignorance,

My disdain for sleep is tested by my stronger desire to avoid people.

While my body will be in far worse pain if I lay down uselessly,

It’s better than the pain of being surrounded by people

whose interactions feel like they’re done out of duty rather than hospitality.

Why believe you’re in a group when the people make you feel lonely?

Why sit next to someone who seems as though they’re deaf to your voice only?

I’m confused as to what relationships are actually supposed to do,

Especially since people seem to favor conversations on screens involving icons and abbreviations,

Rather than human engagement and sound.

Why should I see you in person when I can see you just fine on my phone screen?


Don’t waste your touch You won’t feel anything

 

 

Thrown Against the Wall

I could’ve sworn I was excited,

Or at least I was convinced that I was trying to be “excited”.

Whatever that means.

I find that I’m constantly battling cynicism,

But usually my passions are never effected.

But in the past years,

Even my passions have suddenly become quieter than the cynicism yelling in my ears.

Suddenly the tenor of Pavoratti is akin to this cynicism

that is choking the life from any passion I have.

And there I am:

Lying on my apartment floor,

exhausted from stress,

Angry about being disillusioned.

Ultimately, I’m reminded of the other things stressing me out

Only making me want to stay on the floor;

But I get up

and no I’m not fine.

But the only way I can get through the next hour or so, is by saying that I’m fine if someone asks.

Am I lying?

To a degree, yes.

But I’m more trying to silence this voice always telling me that nothing is going to work out.

I hate to say it, but I definitely have in ways resolved to faking it in order to make it.

But I want both stop and start again anew by saying:

I’m done.

Some things will in fact, not work out.

But some will, they will actually at times work out better than I could ever fathom.

From small and more temporal things,

To important and at times tangible significant decisions.

In a weird way, we wouldn’t have problems in life if weren’t able to find solutions.

The only reason problems exist at all,

Is because we as humanity are masters of complaining and having completely short sighted perspective!

May we no longer use our eyes exclusively for decoration,

But may they be used to have vision and find direction.

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Soundtrack to my Escape

How do I put into words,

How power chords & growls of countless men have made me feel heard?

Words may not do it justice,

But every time I remember my 6 or 7 year old self hearing Metallica

all of a sudden the explanation is clear.

Sure I’ll listen to most music even something as “normal” as Bruno Mars,

But the next track may be a band that sounds like what some might say hell would.

And just as easy & calm as I sat through pop song,

I’ll do it again.

But the difference is that in this calm state amidst musical chaos & dissonance,

I’m being reminded of musical origins.

Whatever you want call it;

Metal, Hardcore, Punk, for it’s not about a genre or a scene.

It’s about the music.

It’s about that rush from the double bass pedals crashing into the drums heads that rattle my chest,

And the fact that once those power chords are played

I can’t control my head moving back & forth.

This may not be the most pretty or poetic,

But even if I tried to make this pretty it’d only end up being pathetic.

The sounds of my inspiration continue to vary & change,

But one thing remains true;

Heavy Metal!!!

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Here is a playlist I made compiling just a few of the bands I feel are significant in showing my love for how vast different the Heavy Metal genre is. For those who maybe don’t listen to metal, I ask you to at least check out one song if you are curious.