Years Better Erased than Written

I have enough words to tell you I don’t have anything to say,

Not now and not ever again.

 

What’s the point?

What does it matter?

Does anyone actually value being literate,

Or is it merely a convenience?

 

Buried in megapixels,

Whored out for micro SDs,

If only you had a brain.

 

For the fact that change has occurred,

Life remains the same;

Yet because hardly anything is the same,

It’s only then we recognize there has been any change.

 

D          I         E


 

 

Compromised Focus

Screaming in basements to avoid being heard,

Typing out thoughts so patience doesn’t have to be tested,

It’s all become so routine;

Figuring out how to make the loudest noise yet remain concealed

In an absent-minded and loud world.

Exhausted at the resonance of criticism,

Flattened by the glare of chosen ignorance,

My disdain for sleep is tested by my stronger desire to avoid people.

While my body will be in far worse pain if I lay down uselessly,

It’s better than the pain of being surrounded by people

whose interactions feel like they’re done out of duty rather than hospitality.

Why believe you’re in a group when the people make you feel lonely?

Why sit next to someone who seems as though they’re deaf to your voice only?

I’m confused as to what relationships are actually supposed to do,

Especially since people seem to favor conversations on screens involving icons and abbreviations,

Rather than human engagement and sound.

Why should I see you in person when I can see you just fine on my phone screen?


Don’t waste your touch You won’t feel anything

 

 

Kneel & Disconnect

Entranced by familiarity once despised,

Not because anything likeable has been found;

But because your visceral feelings are now faded memories.

Vacant.

Empty and cold.

Only the debris remains.

Damaged Departures,

wishing it could’ve been done secretly.

Arriving while absent,

Overwhelmed by a flood of emotions with more hate than ever before

while remaining too exhausted to care.

My mind and the sky are twins today;

Cloudy, dark, and unwilling to change.

It’s been 3 months now,

And there is no time limit in sight;

However, implications of a grave future are melodramatic at best.

Adjustments are needed,

Continued change is somehow stunted but looking possible to start again;

The way we thought it was “back then”,

When things were “exactly how they should be”.

What a damned, filthy lie that was.

I could say I’m out of options,

But what would that do or say of my character?

I could wait for something “to happen”;

But that languorous state of being has brought me to this present moment.

“Where do I start?”, some might say.

Just start from exactly where you are at this moment,

Keep going,

And don’t stop until you arrive …

Somewhere, as long as it is not here.


 

 

 

 

 

 

(in)Human(E)

Languages both native and foreign have long been an interest of mine,

Not just their origins and roots but also their misinterpretations.

Even when two people speak the same language,

Manners and semantics can cause a whole world of trouble.

Honesty guided by youth and emotion,

rather than by practicality and reason,

Can become something you wished was a lie.

Words are spoken and heard,

Carrying more meaning than we may ever know or intend;

As the ear transmits information to the mind of the beholder,

Relational entanglement can be cut to pieces or tightened unlike any other before

in a matter of seconds.

It may seem daft or unstable,

But it seems what we call “togetherness” is often nothing but a delusion.

What is the answer?

How shall we respond or react?

When and why did this start?

Do we actually want it to end?

 

?

——————————————————————

 

Sagacity’s End

Examination of oneself or introspection is viewed in varying ways;

Positive and negative connotation are both found.

It’s funny how observation by an individual causes groups to observe said individual,

And yet they believe they’re entitled or correct in expressing extrospective judgment.

How is this so?

In analyzing the self,

We as finite beings are afforded the overall amazing ability to express a level of authority;

Maybe because of our seemingly power-hungry world,

this isn’t fascinating since it applies only to one person,

But why is authority suddenly an object of disgust when it can be used for the improvement of your own well-being?

Why is it that by looking inward

we believe ourselves to suddenly be blind to the outer or external world?

Make note, though, that even the most introspective individual must not be lost in personal entanglement.

For the vineyard that is the mind can quickly become overgrown and withered,

If only nurtured for the sake of its advancement solely.

By observing and interacting with others,

We develop or, at least, attempt to, a flow and pace which we can adapt to.

Our bodies operate based on certain flows or rhythms,

And when that rhythm is off or out of sync;

Even the most adaptable individual,

Is best found to be apart of a group or, at least, a pair.

 

Learn to seek purpose,

Rather than waiting for it to be given.

————————————————

Off beat, right on Time

It’s darkly humorous that I play drums,

And yet a rhythm of life seems near impossible for me to grasp.

I can grasp the rhythm within in a piece of music just by listening,

But I can spend years around a person and still find a way feel as though I just met them.

It seems to be affected by many things,

But I notice it most

when I can’t even recognize myself.

I used to be surprised when I made mistakes,

Now I’m surprised if everything goes right.

But I guess that isn’t the worst mindset,

Right?

Better to be surprised that there is a limited amount of flaws found,

Whether pertaining to a situation or task,

In the flawed & fallen world we live in.

Into a flawed existence,

We are born;

And often our mortality is ended by familial flaws,

That have killed generations before us.

Flaws are not what we’re to run away from,

But the fanatical obsession with perfection.

———————————————————–

 

Choices: Arrival & Departure

Words, for close to a year now;

Have been nearly impossible to find.

A paragraph of personal writing seemed to require an act of God,

But considering all existence is an act of God in and of itself;

I guess, it’s not as grand of a challenge as first imagined.

My mortality is the one thing giving me peace at the moment,

A world of difference from the anxiety it has provided historically.

 

Where or what I call home is officially immaterial,

And I’m grateful.

I’ve experienced things I thought always wanted recently,

Under circumstances I would’ve never chosen,

And yet I’m ready to let it all go.

To move on and have it exist merely as a memory.

Timing is still sensitive though,

That will never change.

And I’m grateful for this as well,

For it helps my reason keep on fighting my impulses quite well.

Onto another year of life,

Filled with questions and possibly not many answers

But who says that is anything to be upset about?

Another year, that I will gladly live one day at a time and no more.

———————————————————