Compromised Focus

Screaming in basements to avoid being heard,

Typing out thoughts so patience doesn’t have to be tested,

It’s all become so routine;

Figuring out how to make the loudest noise yet remain concealed

In an absent-minded and loud world.

Exhausted at the resonance of criticism,

Flattened by the glare of chosen ignorance,

My disdain for sleep is tested by my stronger desire to avoid people.

While my body will be in far worse pain if I lay down uselessly,

It’s better than the pain of being surrounded by people

whose interactions feel like they’re done out of duty rather than hospitality.

Why believe you’re in a group when the people make you feel lonely?

Why sit next to someone who seems as though they’re deaf to your voice only?

I’m confused as to what relationships are actually supposed to do,

Especially since people seem to favor conversations on screens involving icons and abbreviations,

Rather than human engagement and sound.

Why should I see you in person when I can see you just fine on my phone screen?


Don’t waste your touch You won’t feel anything

 

 

Beloved, Fear

The thumping in my chest,

Reminiscent of my favorite drummers double bass pedal kicks;

Joking suggestions & firm misunderstandings, like glue, stick.

Lethargically & confusingly working,

Wondering if I’m practically doing anything.

The possibility of my desire becoming reality,

The predetermined conclusion that to even suggest a thing is fallacy.

Fear, at times, is like the blanket your grandmother made for you;

It has sentimental value as an heirloom of simpler times & familial love,

But also is a reminder of sleepless nights from it’s allergy irritating materials.

No matter how much you itch and sneeze, you can’t let it go.

But I’m tired of sleep walking,

I’m done settling for comfort based on familiarity & not reality.

The war for tomorrow has started today.

I am awake and will fight,

But wounded & a bit unstable in mind.

Fear is fear, and that is all.

Fear is beloved, the biggest lie of all.

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