Compromised Focus

Screaming in basements to avoid being heard,

Typing out thoughts so patience doesn’t have to be tested,

It’s all become so routine;

Figuring out how to make the loudest noise yet remain concealed

In an absent-minded and loud world.

Exhausted at the resonance of criticism,

Flattened by the glare of chosen ignorance,

My disdain for sleep is tested by my stronger desire to avoid people.

While my body will be in far worse pain if I lay down uselessly,

It’s better than the pain of being surrounded by people

whose interactions feel like they’re done out of duty rather than hospitality.

Why believe you’re in a group when the people make you feel lonely?

Why sit next to someone who seems as though they’re deaf to your voice only?

I’m confused as to what relationships are actually supposed to do,

Especially since people seem to favor conversations on screens involving icons and abbreviations,

Rather than human engagement and sound.

Why should I see you in person when I can see you just fine on my phone screen?


Don’t waste your touch You won’t feel anything

 

 

Morning Oration

No matter how it is presented,

Or how it is supposedly justified,

Hypocrisy is one of the ugliest human traits.

 

So, what do you do when you’re the hypocrite?

The filth and poison being released into the world,

Is a burden you’re responsible for creating.

I knew most any trust I’d even imagined to possessing had been broken,

But I didn’t intend to forget what trust was altogether.

Unfortunately, I believe it happened because it just made things easier.

 

When the face you hate seeing most is your own,

You look only when required;

And make haste otherwise.

I’ve really done it this time,

And this is the oddity of mistakes.

Whence you’ve recognized you’ve lost your way,

It doesn’t always mean you need to discover a new path.

You may have run out of all resources possible to have and need to rest,

You may backtrack and seemingly digress;

But never, should you ever, give up and surrender.

 

I want to desire to trust others again,

But I believe must learn how to trust myself first.

How and why should I expect to trust people I’m around occasionally,

If I can’t be bothered to trust the person I am and will be for all time?

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Be our Guest, but Please Don’t Put our Patience to the Test

Some may think that “overstaying your welcome” is impossible,

I simply believe they haven’t encountered a bad guest.

For their unwilling ignorance, I both applaud them as much as I’m concerned for when their perspective may be changed.

While I enjoy & unashamedly encourage generosity,

And I won’t lie or imply that I haven’t been taken advantage of.

Unfortunately, I would sometimes receive warnings;

But then I would extend further generosity or kindness as if to prove a point,

To prove that the person or peoples in question were perceived wrongly.

After all, experience isn’t always the best judge.

In our current era of history,

It seems as though societal displacement is that of an epidemic.

Unfortunately, and yet unsurprisingly, it has no bias or specific target.

Whether you’re age 4, 44, or 94;

You may be either knowingly or unknowingly displaced in some degree,

Even worse is the fact that mental displacement is sometimes more severe than physical.

No matter what kind of displacement,

There are lessons to be learned both during and after it;

But it’s very difficult to see that.

I won’t stop giving,

But I tend to wait a little longer before I offer anything.

——————————————————————-

New Versions of Old Ideas

You can only talk to yourself for so long,

No matter what could be the topic burning in your brain;

It’s far more exhausting sometimes just keeping track on your train of thought,

Than even the most awkward of interactions with others.

There is something about it though,

That glare of another persons eyes;

Burning through your back,

A look so familiar & yet unique for every situation.

Sometimes it’s a look of disdain or disgust,

It also could simply be a look of shock or listlessness.

But it sometimes just feels like the no vacancy sign is on worldwide,

And the only room for you is inside;

Inside your own head.

And you’d never think it could,

But it just might;

Now the one who wants to throw you out,

The one who doesn’t want you around is yourself.

Resign or Refine?

It’s all pretty simple.

Although, that’s only in word

where simplicity is found.

Ultimately, it’s a choice only oneself can make.

Just remember, that when you start to think you know;

You don’t.

————————————————-

Shaken Inside

Waking up from a tightened chest,

Almost allergic feeling;

Overwhelming & crushing.

My chest feels like a bomb ready for demolition,

And the detonator has just been pressed.

Why is it so common,

Children assume the monster scaring them is under their bed;

When often the most real monsters,

Is the one in their bed and the ones they’re related to.

Embers & rubble,

The building blocks of society.

Where are we going?

Why do we demand gifts,

When we can’t bother to refine or renew what we have already?

Lying down stiff,

Frozen in fear;

Afraid that I’m a part of a mass disease.

But grateful that my mind doesn’t surrender to this wonder,

For humanity in and of itself isn’t a mistake or disease;

But we must stop wondering how things became so grave in condition,

It’s just a matter of looking in the mirror.

—————————————————————————————–

My Ashes

Reinvention of ones self;

A concept that sounds grand,

& yet can be so necessary

that it ends up being underwhelming.

It’s as if a time of change,

As something that is constantly avoided like the plague by some;

Is the most revered & hated time of a life all at once,

While also the one that often offers endlessly limited options.

Confusion is expected but all the same frustrating.

Possibilities or options taking form in a time of change,

Must often be something of our own creation;

We are given the power to choose to intentionally change,

And not just settle for an impending result

but rather allowed to participate in securing the best results.

If only the sometimes cultural as well generational escapist,

known as Effort,

Wouldn’t be so often found to be MIA or in a complete state of lack.

As I aim to slow down,

That I may sustain myself for the days & phases to come;

I realize that by slowing down,

I’m actually allowed to somehow move faster.

It’s only when I run the marathon,

rather than pacing,

That I find myself incapacitated & left with nothing.

But for now I will allow myself a time of stillness,

Not inactivity per se;

Just a needed release of control,

& reminder of my true nature as a finite & limited being.

——————————————————————-

Tolerant Smiles & Body Piles

On the surface I appear to be but one thing,

But really I’m a mixture or combination of many.

It seems my skin,

Or at least its shade of pigment,

Is both an advantage & deception.

But much like everyone else could say,

It’s just how I was made.

On that note though,

How some were made has led others to take the life out of them.

And that isn’t right.

Saying it isn’t right,

Isn’t even right in and of it self!

It’s not strong enough to describe the real wrongdoing committed.

You see I come from two different cultural backgrounds by birth,

And a melting pot of another via my place of living.

But because the color of my skin,

Is that of the shade or color that is considered “normal” or “typical”;

I can typically go unnoticed and unharmed.

This isn’t and hasn’t always been the case.

When I was younger,

My “culture” was a little more easily seen,

You could say my “true colors” were on display.

Realistically I just got more sun than I typically do now.

Not making light of something that has literally started wars,

I want to admit my own shortcomings;

I want to say that I’ve been the offender as much as I’ve been the offended,

If not more.

And for that,

I truly am sorry and what to say that I am committed to doing better.

To living differently, & not tolerating anything else.

That doesn’t mean I’m judge jury or executioner to society,

I am only these things to a slight degree unto myself.

But I also won’t be silent,

That I may be confused as someone who is in approval of hate being spread;

Spread like the virus it is,

Akin only to the most violent of cancers.

Circumstances aside,

The only reason the world could truly crumble today;

Is because of the waves of hatred in human form,

That we (myself included) have decided to wash our society away in.

—————————————————————————————————-

This in response many things, but I finally was beyond being compelled to respond when I read this blog entry from Austin Channing-http://austinchanning.com/blog/logical-conclusion You all don’t have to, but I’d ask you to consider reading it as well. I am of Mexican & Italian blood, but an American born young man; to most though, I’m considered just another Caucasian person at least because of skin pigment. Interpret that how you will, because I don’t think I need to explain what goes into that description of people; and unfortunately it’s not just on a small scale, it’s a worldwide scale.