Paralyzed by Peril filled Eyes

Waking from scream filled sleep,

Unaware of the dangers seen by the mind’s eye;

In an ugly war of self to have vision for the future,

I’ve been weighed down by the past and that which I know cannot be changed.

I would have,

I could have,

I should have;

I need to shut up.

 

No pointless question is going to change an all the more useless reflection,

And so time marches on as I leave my train of thought set to run off track.

As quickly as it started,

I don’t know how to stop it or necessarily where it will go.

Years that are best forgotten and meetings that unfortunately can’t be taken back,

I hesitate and occasionally dread the social realities of the present time.

Walking away from the world is easier said than done,

But staying around to see how things go seems to be even worse.

Worn out before I can start again since I’ve never learned rest,

My mortality is like a fool avoiding taxes except for the debt collector is my bed.

 

 

Blurred Clarity

Walking streets that seem as familiar as my bedroom,

And somehow feeling like a stranger or unwelcome intruder.

Being assured by strangers that they aren’t trying to beat me up,

And laughing at the fact that they think that’s a good start to a conversation.

I used to feel,

Feel a variety of emotions;

I’m not saying I’ve become numb despite previous attempts,

But the sensation has dulled or seems harder to detect.

I know how to smile for appearances but not sincerely,

I know how to yell and slam my fist but my anger seems convoluted and lost.

I’m fine with the mortal shell I’ve been given,

But is there a way I can disown whatever the hell it is that I’ve known to be “me”?

How can I find someone to be with,

When I don’t know how to feel together on my own?

It not that I want to be anyone else,

And I don’t necessarily desire to not be myself;

What may be the actual question,

Is who am I?