Holiday Reflection

“I don’t care” “Can we leave yet???”,

Two prized phrases when filled with the angst of youth.

But the question is,

Did we really not care?

Did we really just want it to be over?

 

Family is unique for every human,

Really all of creation,

But my perspective is limited to mankind.

As I sit in a familiar house with familiar people,

I feel a longing for what once was,

Or at least what I thought to exist at one time in my youth.

While at the same time,

I feel a painful disembodiment;

A unfamiliarity that makes me feel like a stranger among “my own”.

 

While the number of years I’ve lived may seem very few to some,

I’m the oldest I’ve ever been in my time of existence;

And from where I’m standing,

I see something..

Something new developing.

A hint of sentimentality that is creeping in,

Cares and feelings once thought dead or repressed

are rising to life.

But the question feels needed;

For what purpose has this occurred?

To treasure life more?

To regret less?

To love the intangible even more than before?

I’m not sure.

One thing’s for sure;

When I look in the mirror,

I know it’s “me” but the reflection I see now

isn’t what I used to see.

(RE)New Year Approches

“Life with God isn’t boring.”

It also isn’t always what you’re expecting.

And you know what?

Thank God.

As each twist, turn, flip;

Tumble, roll, fall, and sometimes even break happens,

We remember our need for God & others.

 

When I look in the mirror lately,

I see age that has come and gone.

Of course, to most anyone;

Who am I to talk about age?

Being only 21 years old,

It’d probably be a lying attempt of pity to talk about my skin being wrinkled.

Scarred, Stressed, and Tired?

That I won’t deny.

 

But as this year comes to a close,

With another on the horizon;

Already the pursuit of something more has me thinking.

Something more within myself,

A reflection I haven’t seen before.

 

As a phoenix rises from it’s ashes to new life;

I want to walk in, through, and out of this next year anew.

So, light the fire.

It’s time for me to burn.

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Phoenix

Togetherness Anxiety

Usually it’s when we’re apart,

If we begin to act out strangely,

It’s as if it is allowed or expected.

But as we come closer to one another,

I find myself shaking like a tree;

Captured by winter’s biting wind,

An air flow that seems to cut through clothing and skin.

But, this time, it’s not the same.

The tendencies once so familiar,

Are no longer here.

Looking around a familiar room,

But feeling like it’s brand new,

My bedroom no longer feels like a tomb.

And even in the midst of this anxiousness,

The leaving looks more glorious.

Togetherness encouraged by the cold,

Running recommended by words and stories best untold.

The winter locks me in it’s chains of frost,

And as I stare into the fog,

Tis not fear that I feel.

But the comforter trying to bring comfort unto me.

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No matter how far away you feel from G-d, or vice versa, at that point where you believe no one can get to you; He wants to be there with you if you would allow him. No matter how ugly, nasty, frightening, exhausting, etc. you feel you are or what is going on; G-d will walk through it with you.