“I don’t care” “Can we leave yet???”,
Two prized phrases when filled with the angst of youth.
But the question is,
Did we really not care?
Did we really just want it to be over?
Family is unique for every human,
Really all of creation,
But my perspective is limited to mankind.
As I sit in a familiar house with familiar people,
I feel a longing for what once was,
Or at least what I thought to exist at one time in my youth.
While at the same time,
I feel a painful disembodiment;
A unfamiliarity that makes me feel like a stranger among “my own”.
While the number of years I’ve lived may seem very few to some,
I’m the oldest I’ve ever been in my time of existence;
And from where I’m standing,
I see something..
Something new developing.
A hint of sentimentality that is creeping in,
Cares and feelings once thought dead or repressed
are rising to life.
But the question feels needed;
For what purpose has this occurred?
To treasure life more?
To regret less?
To love the intangible even more than before?
I’m not sure.
One thing’s for sure;
When I look in the mirror,
I know it’s “me” but the reflection I see now
isn’t what I used to see.