4:46

I used to feel as though the clock was as comforting as a grandfather can be,

For a while at least.

But suddenly the comfort left me,

And the sands time of time encompassed my mind..

Time suddenly was a  sand trap,

Instead of a comforting ally for the task at hand.

In reality though, Time is neither of these previous things described.

Simply yet obnoxiously, Time is just that

TIME.

It is our use that make it a friend or foe,

And it’s the choice of managing it or burning it that cause this relationship to fail or grow.

I don’t like numbers very much,

Nor do I think that will change.

Yet my days are numbered

And with that, my appreciation of numbers is insured.

The number of my days spent as of late,

They’re filled with such mixed emotions

In search of something great.

Hopefully after years of suppression,

This isn’t just repressed emotions finally rising from their dug up graves.

My mind and my feet say go,

But my heart says you need to stay.

Stay still,

Keep growing.

Don’t ignore or deny the pain,

But don’t let it define.

God, I ask you why?

Why, why, WHY?

And your lack of response,

Doesn’t tell me you don’t hear me or you’re not there,

But instead shows me I might not need to care as much as I do.

My question falls on a pair of ears,

And while heard are maybe not significant at the moment.

Another day on pause,

4:46 is now in the dust.

The Mirror Speaks: a 2nd look

It was so simple,

Simply so complicated.

And then it hit me like nothing before,

Because nothing actually touched me.

But someone, dare I say many people have…

Oh the scars I have to remember,

Lessons learned in ways never thought possible,

And visions hopefully soon forgotten.

I’m different, unique, complex; all of the above.

But what in the scheme of things is fake and what is shown for love?

 

Masking identity, because it’s all I know how to do and thought was good.

In the midst of holding back verbal vomit,

Internal process destruction occurs.

In the midst of shooing away anger,

Sadness finally brings me to tears.

Mild relational disgust,

My personality feels a bit rusty.

I keep looking for the light of mid-day,

But it only seems to be with me as I wake at dawn.

But, much like the  plants of Earth;

I will rise from the dirt & ashes.

A Look in the Mirror

When I think of the places I’ve been,

People I’ve met,

And the things I’ve done;

Varying reactions occur, but one is certain.

If I could do it over again, I would.

Not even for the sake of perfectionism,

But just a desire to see things handled with more “professionalism”.

Or at least more experience,

It can be frightening to look back at the depths of our own ignorance.

Whether it’s someone you met and lost contact with,

Or a schooling experience you wish had been different;

Don’t let the memories be a device of torture for years to come,

But let them be lessons in learning how to not live in regret.

Recognize the value of making mistakes,

While still not committing them on purpose.

I know, or at least I’m coming to know.

As I look back and even come across things I “wish” had been handled better or had a different outcome,

I can honestly say I’m learning from these situations and times.

I’m not who I once was years ago,

In fact I hardly feel like I’m the same person I was yesterday.

So, don’t fear looking in the mirror.

But, also, don’t get lost in your reflection.

Recognize that which can’t be changed as well as where you’ve changed,

And commit to changing reasonably in the areas you can.

Remember, no matter any ones critique

that you’ve been purposely made Unique.

Living to Live

Although popular opinion would disagree,

Living for myself seems like it’d take too much effort to me.

I mean,

Being solely focused on your pleasures and pains;

Excluding any and every trace of sympathy or empathy

Not giving any chance for something beyond yourself to matter.

Is it really that ideal or easy?

 

You live almost like life is a job,

But don’t you realize you’re able to make that choice because someone saw you as human instead of a tissue blob?

If you want an actual title to go along with your entitlement syndrome,

Stick with human.

 

As amazing as the birds flying from the tree,

The fact you’re not hatched to begin life is to thee.

As I lie awake,

And my mind continues on;

If I was consumed completely in myself,

I’d wish for the end of my health.

To refuse to look beyond oneself,

Is a waste of vision.