Letter From Man to God

Hi, God?

Sorry it’s taken me so long to write back. I’ve been busy, you know how it is or maybe you don’t. Somehow you’ve always seemed to make time for me. Even amidst injustice, betrayal, & the abandonment of those whom you loved most; you thought of me.

I can’t seem to remember a lot, maybe it’s just stress, but I also struggle to honestly find rest. I do know that when I talked with you more & came to you at times when I wasn’t struggling, things were different. Things were better & I wasn’t bitter.

Everything is different now, even as I approach Easter today. It seems routine in some ways; predictable at best. But since we make sure to go to church, our heart can rest that with God once the clock strikes noon or once we digress? To me this doesn’t sit well, in fact I feel this mindset would do better in hell if it weren’t for the fear & knowledge the demons have of you. Although if the citizens of hell have gotten anything right it’s their fear of you God, for this I know is true.

While Jesus, your beloved son, chose to surrender willingly & gave reason for song to be within our voice; I have chose willingly also, unfortunately at times to be a fool. God I’m not just thankful for the sacrifice your son made that will amaze to the end of my earthly days, but I’m thankful you still rejoice to hear from me after all the stupid choices I’ve made. I may never be the best at anything or even the worst, in someways just another part of the herd. But this is not of your concern; all you ask is that I turn all of my trust from being myself to you. You, God, the only one who has never left me & never will. The one who saved me even though I don’t deserve it. What I ask right now, yet again my father God, is that you would show me the way. I want to glorify your name not just today, but the rest of my life. May we reflect on you, praise & glorify you, but especially thank you throughout this day: Resurrection day.

Love,

Your precious creation: Man

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“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run withendurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”-Hebrews 12:1-3

This post is partly inspired by this song. Happy Easter everyone.

Soundtrack to my Escape

How do I put into words,

How power chords & growls of countless men have made me feel heard?

Words may not do it justice,

But every time I remember my 6 or 7 year old self hearing Metallica

all of a sudden the explanation is clear.

Sure I’ll listen to most music even something as “normal” as Bruno Mars,

But the next track may be a band that sounds like what some might say hell would.

And just as easy & calm as I sat through pop song,

I’ll do it again.

But the difference is that in this calm state amidst musical chaos & dissonance,

I’m being reminded of musical origins.

Whatever you want call it;

Metal, Hardcore, Punk, for it’s not about a genre or a scene.

It’s about the music.

It’s about that rush from the double bass pedals crashing into the drums heads that rattle my chest,

And the fact that once those power chords are played

I can’t control my head moving back & forth.

This may not be the most pretty or poetic,

But even if I tried to make this pretty it’d only end up being pathetic.

The sounds of my inspiration continue to vary & change,

But one thing remains true;

Heavy Metal!!!

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Here is a playlist I made compiling just a few of the bands I feel are significant in showing my love for how vast different the Heavy Metal genre is. For those who maybe don’t listen to metal, I ask you to at least check out one song if you are curious. 

Relapse

As I experience mental & physical regression,

Instead of obsessing over my lack of perfection

I stop…

I think about the choices,

Ones I’ve made & even those I wish I didn’t;

Regret?

No, reflection.

Instead of allowing regression to take it’s course

I turn from what once was, into the unknown.

While it’s new it somehow feels like home.

I’ve grown up always ready to fight,

But this fight is going to be done right.

Both internally & externally,

Requiring more discipline than force.

Unlike the past,

The new battle is not on a field laced in remorse.

It’s a wooded area filled with wonders & possibilities.

A change of course.

Yet this change isn’t one at all,

In fact it’s a return to design.

What’s best for me,

Which oddly enough I had tried to forget & left behind.

Now that I’ve returned & I’m found.

I will follow the path laid before me,

No longer disaster bound.

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A final note though:

In this fight you must be at peace with imperfection,

Relapse shouldn’t be welcomed but learned from.

Friend

Why do you call me friend?

Is it based on what I have or can offer you,

The way I talk or dress, where I’m from;

To what end does your friendship go?

Have you thought about it?

I mean all it took was an introduction,

And now you call me a “friend”.

But what do we know about one another,

Does being a “friend” have meaning, depth;

What is your intent?

One thing I hope you don’t need to hear from me but already know,

I’m not your stepping stone.

I’m not just a body & bones to fill a spot at your table,

I’m a person seeking to know people beyond myself.

Let it be known though if I’m no more important than a chair,

Find somewhere else to sit.

Have you ever thought about how deeply you value commitment or connection?

To what end will you value yourself & others?

What do you mean when you call someone your friend?

Dear Satan

Dear Satan,

I know you hate me.

I also know you loved me at one time in your own way,

The manipulative & evil way but you loved me no less.

Lately you seem a bit angry & sad,

Why?

Is it because your old tricks aren’t working as well they once did?

Is it because I laugh at you now instead of fearing you as I once had when I was a kid?

 

You scum!

Thief of all life & perverted tyrant,

You continue to try destroying everything you touch.

Continually trying to convince people like me to be just a toy for your play,

But I’m doing the devil’s dance & living in dismay.

Sure, it seems like evil pays a lot more than good these days.

But I’d rather be beggar with my face kicked in the dirt living in filth,

Than be a mindless slave with worldly wealth.

I know if you had your way my life would’ve been a funeral pyre,

But to your dismay I know you’re a liar!

 

You may have at one time convinced me I had no choice in mistakes I make,

But what I once thought a factual fate is fake!

There’s a zero percent survival rate in following you,

And I’d rather die than test whether it’s true.

If you only could’ve accepted that you weren’t God part 2,

You wouldn’t have been sent to hell to be king of nothing but fools.

On the day of your end no one will mourn,

In fact we will all rejoice.

As one body & in one voice,

We will declare

JESUS IS LORD!

The King is Coming!

KINGDOM COME!

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Lyrics: Now is the time for those who have died to rise, and lift the sound of our voices high; kingdom come!
Kingdom come!

There is a fire in the atmosphere. Can you feel it? You have been called to relinquish fear. Can you hear
it? You were made to stand before the throne. Can you see it? Tell me, where are the ones with the heart
for warfare–the ones that died to say, “This is the price you pay”? Step up! There is no glory without
death. Step up. Who will answer the call? Death is glory!

I will rise from the ashes of my own death to abundant life under the cross, and I will not be turned back,
but I will come with an army; for He will raise up a generation to seek His face.

Now is the time for those who have died to rise, and lift the sound of our voices high; kingdom come!
Kingdom come!

Touche

“Stay in touch”

A phrase I feel we take for granted,

Considering how quickly we tire of trying to keep connection.

Whether it’s time difference, busy schedule, or simply a determined inconvenience;

Sometimes the use of this phrase doesn’t make any long term sense.

 

Loneliness in one’s heart can be a sign of hardening if it feels cold,

But I’ve learned to see this challenge within as a reminder that I still have a beat.

My once thought to be stone inside my chest,

Still pumping blood & occasionally overwhelmed.

 

I hope consistency can exist more often relationships,

Not just for me but for all.

God please heal where our hearts may be ripped,

May our willingness to pursue people not be driven by selfish withdrawal.

“I know who you are”

Perceptions of a person are outnumbered by things left unspoken,

As I contemplate this silent judgment process,

I see what should be considered a sickness.

It must be contagious because it seems to happen everywhere,

But when, where, & how did it start?

It’s an idea;

The idea you know someone solely from observing them

or people similar to them,

But not because of having spent time

with them.

You walk around with your “types” in your head,

Placing every person you encounter into their category.

But really when you do this,

Who do you actually know?

Maybe you have an eye that needs to stop roving,

Rather than your self-proclaimed gift of perception.

Who knows,

A life based on deception is the new trend.

Maybe you’re just ahead of everyone.

Hey, God.

Sorry to bother you again,

There’s just something I’d like to make sense.

Why is it that even those in the human race who go around proclaiming your name,

Play the same old In one ear out the other game with no shame?

All I hear is how people want to be known for who they REALLY are,

myself included as you know.

But if the main place where the hypocrites are found is the place that was supposed to be your house,

But by the actions of those in it looks like a den of deceivers,

How can we ensure that anyone feels known?

Please give me a hint,

Or even change my course & lead me down an unexpected road.

I could keep guessing day after day,

But I’m sick of being caught in dismay.

I want to seek wisdom like it describes in the words of Solomon as a man after silver.

Hear my cry for discernment of what I know as well as what I don’t,

& Please correct me where I haven’t been willing to change my thinking.

Even with you my God,

I don’t want to just say I know of you,

I want to know you.