נָבִיא

Lord, I will not!

I will not settle.

I will not just hear about you, know of you, or even partially know you.

I want to know you!

I will not be a robot,

I want to be your partner.

I want to help those who have turned away as well as those who have never seen,

See you for who you really are.

Not through the glasses of Aristotle’s literature,

Not through scientific theories that are made false just as quickly as they were proven to be truth.

No longer will I live the middle road life of comfort & ignorance,

Content to live in silence & protected from everything that I determine is overwhelming.

Help me continually be willing to sit with you, hear from you, & communicate with you.

May I walk the way you walk Lord, & I thank you that I can pray like this;

That I can talk to you like this, my God.

Where we have become those who want to make change,

Help us have a heart perspective of the way you see injustice.

May we no longer just humanistically look at our world,

But see that you are grieved by the things that grieve our hearts Lord.

Whether it’s headache, a car accident, a storm, a disease epidemic, or a crime.

Your heart feels it, this I know my Lord.

Help me quiet the things that have distracted me in the past,

That I may hear your heartbeat clearer.

I love you Lord.

Turn the Page(s)

New & old photos on the wall,

I walk the long hall of my mind’s gallery.

Pictures within me, with me, without me.

I don’t even know why some of them are still here,

But thankfully I can reorganize my gallery.

I see faces, some older than others

Some not seen again beyond the mind’s eye.

A cast of gray over the sky,

God’s canvas suddenly bursts of red & purple hues.

Not breaking the darkness,

But simply accentuating its beauty in the midst of light.

I look to the skies again as I have since I was a child,

The only difference is I’m more contemplative in nature.

As I contemplate the pieces hanging in my gallery,

I’m in awe of the beauty before me.

Why hold onto memories not even worth momentary pain?

These grey skies with red & purple hues, breaking through.

This is what my gallery looks like now, after being washed by the morning dew.

No longer are my walls lifeless, filled with faces of rejection & scorn.

No longer torn or desiring what is in the past,

Thank you God that time in my life is over & will never come back.

“May the Lamb that was slain, receive the reward of His Suffering”

Do I serve a religion or do I serve God?

Do I serve God for what I will gain, or do I serve God for what I can give to Him?

If I need to ask these things,

I’m farther gone than I thought.

But as lost as I am,

I know I can be found.

Life is a gift, of this I’m aware & reflect on regularly.

But whom have I given this gift to?

Have I given the gift of my life to a philosophy, a theory, a means to an end?

Or have I given my life unto the control of the one who gave me life?

If my life is to have any meaning it won’t be because of my own efforts or accomplishments,

My life having a good ending won’t even be based on if I make it to Heaven or Hell.

For the end of my life, if I can say these words I will know my life was truly lived to it’s full potential.

These words are, “May the Lamb that was slain, receive the reward of His Suffering

For God is not my ticket to Heaven, my means to an end, & being a Christian isn’t just so people think I’m good & so I don’t go to Hell.

For my life being lived for God & being a Christian is simply because God is worthy.

Today, I surrender all.

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“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.”- Romans 7:18 NASB God help me to devote my life to you continually not for what I can get out of you or expect from you, but for what I can give to you.

I want to dedicate this to David Nitschmann Der Bischof & Johann Leonhard Dober, as well as the rest of the Moravians who sold themselves into slavery for God’s word to move further throughout the world. If you haven’t before, please read about the Moravian Brethren.

The Ending of a bad Beginning is the Beginning of a great Ending.

Finality, such a beautiful commodity.

When working or thinking & reasoning something out,

The joy found in simply saying “I’m Done.”

is indescribable.

 

Sometimes it’s a joy so wondrous,

You can’t muster the energy to even express it.

But it’s partly because of this fact,

That finality is so beautiful.

 

I don’t mind playing 20 questions,

But when that’s what life feels like

you can count me out of it!

Confusion & indecision are completely overrated,

I’m ready to live with some stability & much less mystery.

The biggest oxymoron of it all though, at least in my nomadic nature, is that at times I thrive on this annoying feeling of mystery.

I guess that’s the advantage of sometimes repetitive history, you can observe & continue in what’s right.

And you also can reject what you’ve seen bring blight to your life.

 

So here’s to you, you indecisive pathetic questioning twerp of a person that used to be, I won’t miss you.

In fact the only reason I remember you at all is to know what not to do.

Change feels different, a bit itchy sometimes too, but it’s for the better of everyone & everything.

Keep focused & continue in knowing there’s hope,

For tonight’s ending is just leading to the sound of the morning dawn:

A New Beginning.

(He)Art Burn- Psalm 365

I pursue with my aim clear,

Yet as I move closer my target moves further out of sight.

Oh to have the luxury of vision,

That I may not be blinded by inquisition.

I’m done struggling, like a monkey waiting for your affirmation.

I will paint this once darkened canvas a striking red,

And watch it burn.

There is a light within me,

I never thought I’d possess.

A fire stronger than any tornado of darkness, yet controlled.

This flame isn’t destructive or consuming,

But comforting and divine in nature.

For on the mountain of meeting, in my tent where I find rest;

I will seek your face.

I used to live my life so I could pull the ones I attempted to love in close,

Only to push them so far away that I couldn’t see them again.

Now unless I see the vacancy sign,

I don’t bother trying to get in.

But with you, my eternal father and friend.

I don’t even have to knock or ask,

You call me in.

Your arms wide open and heart exposed,

Making me clean and helping my life bloom like a beautifully delicate rose.

Cherry blossom trees and multi-colored fall leaves,

Rainy days and kung fu has brought some momentary relief.

But in you my God,

My author and originator,

In you I find peace.

While I’m a warrior,

You have reminded me it is finished while still good to remain on guard.

Even in the presence of my enemies I can rest,

Alive or dead – I am blessed.

Tears of Heaven

How!

How can this be,

I heard your cries, answered your prayers, and you won’t even listen to me?

While this relationship with Moses is special,

I want you to know you can have a similar depth too.

 

Please if you’re to fear me,

Don’t fear me because of circumstance or judgment.

Fear the power I possess in amazement,

So that you will turn from your sin and turn to me instead.

 

For so long you cried out to me and wanted to know where I was,

Now I’m here and you’re ready to throw me out.

You may have seen before as a God of anger even when I delivered you,

But now you can see me as a God who knows sadness.

For my beloved. My own creation, my children don’t want to speak with me or hear from me.

How, oh how can this be?

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Written as part of a journaling time during class for the school I’m in, Bible School for the Nations. We were to journal from God’s perspective in reaction to Exodus 20(specifically verses 18-21)  when the Israelites ask Moses to be the one to speak to them instead of God. They were afraid of God, not respectfully but in the fear that would have them running further away from him. God never gave up on Israel, and He still hasn’t. If you’re running today, please rest and in your own way ask Him what He’s trying to do in your life. Please listen, it may take a long time or it may not. But clarity is worth every second of waiting.