“You Made me from Dust, not Dirt”

I’m down,

Blood on my face and the floor.

But in this moment of pain,

I persevere in strength I didn’t believe I had.

Sweat soaks my wounds as I fight through,

Past the lies of a life consumed.

Consumed by optional truth,

The belief I was nothing and would never be good enough.

Just stupid, and it was time to give up.

Home is where I learned to be heartless,

Disdain is all I have for it.

Truth is not optional,

Truth is absolute.

I may have been made from dust,

But it’s dust that was breathed upon by the maker of the Earth.

I’m not dirty, unworthy, worthless, incompetent

I may not be perfect but at least I’m willing to admit it.

I will sweat away my weakness,

Move forward in confidence.

I’m equal to all men and women in value,

Not because of what others say

But because of creator God in whom I believe.

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Inconsistency – a choice or lifestyle

I’m miles past lost and don’t know if I can handle being found,

Only to see you.

You who has never been there for me,

Acts like everything is fine when I’m more connected with spit in the street than I am with you.

Back off already!

The longer you stay away, the more likely you are to be consistent for once in your life.

If you ever knew me, please enlighten me.

I don’t even fully know myself,

And you’re here asking me what happened to who you once knew.

You may be able to call my name,

But I never knew you.

Don’t call me your friend, your bro, and don’t you dare call me your family.

No, I know I can’t do this life on my own.

If you’re the only one who will try to stand with me though,

Count me out.

I’ll never back down,

Your exemplary life of inconsistency has no influence upon me.

I will walk forward and stand my ground but not because of anything just about me,

I will stand my ground guided by my Lord, my God, Savior, Guard, and Creator.

Redirect me, oh God, direct me upon the path you’ve made for me.

Shine your light for me that it may radiate through me.

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God has been, is, and always will be CONSISTENT. When you find consistency, don’t just enjoy it but replicate and perfect it,

 

“The Lord is my shepherd,
[shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” PSALM 23 NASB

Even the Strongest Alive knows Real Strength lies in Numbers

You may be able to bench 500 pounds,

But yet when you look down a dark hallway you still shiver throughout your bones.

Is the size of your arms what determines your strength,

Or is your strength really found in the ability to trust?

Facing life alone, you’re an example of independence.

But on those dark nights when your loneliness is most prevailing,

Your strength is futile and you wish you had at least one person by your side.

But who, you ask.

Who could help me, who would?

Isolation in it’s truest form takes more work than it’s worth.

Constantly seeking a place of solitude, no outside noise, a place for “you” to be.

Then at night as you see a reflection in the mirror, is that me?

In the days of my youth, I laughed at those who complained of being alone.

Only to hide behind the hurt I had of most commonly being alone.

Darkness & loneliness are two of my oldest friends,

But I’ve finally seen them for who they are and they’re nothing but deceitful enemies.

I thought I knew who I was, I had some sense of me.

But it’s taken me twenty years & counting to even begin,

I’m not the person found lonely & consumed by the darkness within.

Abuse, addiction, anger; the unholy trinity of emotion & tragedy.

None of these will ever define me!

The truth I’ve found though in remaining me,

Is that I can’t be me without you.

For the best to be brought out of me, I need you here to help pull it out.

My weakness is found when I think I’m strong,

My strength is found in even when I’m very different I know I belong.

They’re not an excuse to be lazy or a crutch.

It’s just my aiming to be confident in meekness, instead of strong in my weakness.

You see I’d rather admit my need for others, live humbly, & act meek.

Instead of being a lone, arrogant, independent, angry, example of how to be weak.

I’d rather be a dark horse before being one of the herd,

But my newest way to help describe strength is interdependence.

Interdependence, depending on one another.

Not inner, while it is important to learn how to live on your own

Just don’t forget to learn you can’t live life alone.

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“This is the account of the heavens and the earth when they were created, in the day that the Lord God made earth and heaven. Now no shrub of the field was yet in the earth, and no plant of the field had yet sprouted, for the Lord God had not sent rain upon the earth, and there was no man to cultivate the ground. But a mist used to rise from the earth and water the whole surface of the ground. Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.The Lord God planted a garden toward the east, in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed. Out of the ground the Lord God caused to grow every tree that is pleasing to the sight and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Now a river flowed out of Eden to water the garden; and from there it divided and became four rivers. The name of the first is Pishon; it flows around the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold. The gold of that land is good; the bdellium and the onyx stone are there. The name of the second river is Gihon; it flows around the whole land of Cush.The name of the third river is Tigris; it flows east of Assyria. And the fourth river is the Euphrates.Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. The Lord God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.” Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:4-18 NASB

The verse I want to emphasize is verse 18, which most commonly is used in reference to the blessing of marriage. While I fully acknowledge it’s original meaning is pointing towards the creation of Eve, Adam’s “helper” or wife, I also believe this verse can be a reminder of the importance of friendship. As we all know some people don’t get married, therefore if we’re to limit this verse to basically translate to “you need to get married” we are cheating & lying through our teeth! It’s hard to admit you need help, it’s terribly hard for me, but when I do admit it I don’t regret it.

In the end, this is my attempt at trying to impart wisdom to whoever may read this: Be yourself according to how God made you & never how others say you are. Be independent enough to be interdependent & admit when you need help, & never stop fighting for worthwhile causes. The norm or what is most acceptable isn’t good enough, diversity is both important & difference making.

This piece started out from inspiration of a few songs by the Hardcore band, The Ghost Inside.

Wake up to the Little Things

Just as I thought I had reached the end,

I look ahead to see it’s only a bend in the path.

I see other walking the same way as me,

But we are not together.

Smiling at each other is one thing,

But being able to rely on each other is out of the question.

 

We want unity and to form a group,

But because it’s convenient we continue to pace foolishly.

United in being divided, we are the oxymoron.

Honesty is what we ask for and crave,

But when push comes to shove we lie through our teeth.

 

Generosity is often to hard to find,

Then again once found it’s abused & manipulated.

So why should we even see it?

If what we really want to see beauty and glory,

Why do we take it for granted once it’s revealed?

 

Whenever we know tension is being held against us we can’t sleep,

Yet if we need to make amend with another we would rather ignore it.

Why do we wonder how life has gotten stagnant,

When we’ve chosen for life to be filled with laziness?

 

I feel like I can connect with a stranger I talk to for a few minutes,

Better than friends I’ve know for a year or even family.

What is this?

If you’re my friend, and especially my family, why can’t we speak like we are?

Where is the relationship and what do you consider it to be?

 

You beg for honesty and vulnerability,

Only to awkwardly tell me to stop when you get angry.

Do you want to listen to me,

Or is it too much work?

Would you like to get to know me,

Or would you rather have me live what I know is a lie, that I’m to live and die alone on this earth?

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The little things are really some of the most important aspects of life. Maybe you know what you’re best friend’s job is, but do you know why they’re so passionate about it?

Maybe you know your mom loves cooking, but do you know what her favorite food is and if there are any special stories as to why?

It’s the sometimes hidden details, but you have to choose to find them. Ask, take the time.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8 NASB

“Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mindregard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:1-4 NASB

You know I can say with confidence whether 2012 is the last year ever, it won’t be because of the Mayans. But 2012 should be a year representing the end, the end of a monotonous existence where we only know each other as comfortably as we can. As soon as it gets more personal than we anticipated, we stick around instead of running away. But let’s not wait until next year, the time for change is NOW! Love God, Love others, and truly love yourself. Not arrogantly,conditionally, or pridefully. Love yourself for who GOD made you, love others for the unique way God made them, and love God for being the creator and author of everything while still seeing you not as a number but as YOU!